How to win at business and not lose yourself in the process
Empathy has been a business buzzword lately but I want to take a moment to talk about vulnerability.
If empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else, then it’s only real when that someone else feels open enough to be seen.
In other words, empathy only works when there is also vulnerability.
I haven’t heard much about vulnerability in the boardroom. And I’m not surprised.
The definition of the word itself is rooted entirely in a fear-based worldview. Somehow showing up authentically by outlining your intentions and your needs is a dangerous thing.
By allowing yourself to be seen, truly seen, you open yourself up for attack. Really, guys?
It’s as if this is one big game of Texas Hold ’em and we’ve all got hands to guard.
I don’t know much about playing poker. But I do know office politics. And in my experience there is nothing more powerful than throwing your cards face-up on the table and saying fuck this game; we have work to do.
I’m not playing games
The game isn’t real. I don’t know who decided we’d all graduate from school and take a seat at a poker table or in a conference room and stealthily negotiate backroom agendas under the guise of doing business.
The worst part of my day job is navigating egos and agendas. But I’m amazing at it. Why? Because I normally don’t have one. And when I do, it’s no secret.
When you start a meeting by saying, “To be clear, my intention is to understand/help/solve/correct and I need to do this because of this real compelling need,” it takes the guesswork out of the conversation. You know why I’m here. Now tell me what you’re hoping to get out of this.
By being the one who opens the dialogue in this way, you ultimately assume the position of power. Why? Because it’s a confident and courageous act to show up exactly as you are — to put it all on the table. And it gives the people around you permission to do the same (permission the world doesn’t give very often).
People don’t need permission to be vulnerable but it helps to have it. And when you lead by example, you assume the power to permit.
It takes time to alter how a team communicates. And a department. And a company. But it can happen. Assume the power. Be the change.
For more thoughts on life in and out of the boardroom, follow me on Medium. And check out It’s Your Turn for stories that transformed altMBA alum like me, and inspire you to change.
